Recommend, 2018

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Share Five reflections on motherhood that leaves us 'Tully', a brutally honest film starring Charlize Theron (no spoilers)

Lola Rovati @Lolarovati

On Friday June 22 was released 'Tully', the most brutally honest film about motherhood starring the great Charlize Theron with which you will surely feel identified. The actress puts herself in the shoes of Marlo, a mother with three children, the last of whom is a newborn baby, who is plummeting and unrestrained towards postpartum depression until Tully (Mackenzie Davis), a young nanny, arrives. It will make you rethink everything.

I will not do spolier because most of you have not seen it yet, but we tell you five thoughts about motherhood left by the film that will make you think about your own way of living postpartum, and motherhood in general.

In 'Tully', Marlo lives the same situation as many mothers with small children and a newborn baby. He spends too many hours at home taking care of his children, his days are between diaper changes, breastfeeding, taking care of the house, preparing food, bringing and taking children from school, homework ... And nothing more, nor nothing less. An invisible work that is not valued, but that is the most important of all: the raising of children.

Below I leave the trailer for you to open your mouth and then the five reflections on motherhood that has inspired the film .

1) "Being a mother does not mean ceasing to be the same"

Charlize Theron herself has said it in an interview and I can not agree more. It is important to be very clear from the moment we take our baby in our arms for the first time, and I would even say that before, when we considered being a mother.

We give ourselves body and soul to our baby, children are what we love most in this world, but we should repeat ourselves as a mantra every day "do not stop being yourself" . It is easy to confuse giving love with surrendering everything we are to the point that our own identity dissolves .

It is essential that although we are now mothers, do not blur our essence and continue being ourselves, maintaining our hobbies, our friendships (although some may be lost along the way, it is normal) and dedicate some time to ourselves.

2) Make agreements with your partner

Marlo's husband is not exactly a father involved in the upbringing of children, and there are many women who live this situation at home.

That is why it is important to make agreements with the couple about raising their children, because a single mother can not do everything, the routine becomes overwhelming and exhausting if you do not have your partner. Being a parent is a matter of two, so it establishes small agreements such as "You take care of the bathrooms, I eat the dinner". "Tonight I wake up, tomorrow you" . Basic lines about occupations that are not only the mother's obligation.

On the other hand there is the couple relationship. It is true that when a baby comes home (then another and another), the dynamics of the couple changes. We are no longer just a couple, but now we are also a family. That "in addition" is very important, because we should not forget that we are still a couple .

3) Let yourself be helped

Who has sold us that mothers can with everything? That false praise that we are super-moms, that mothers come to everything and do everything right, far from being a compliment does us a lot of damage .

If you feel that your head is about to explode with the mental burden that it has to endure and that your body can not do any more, do not try to be a 'superwoman'. We mothers try to take care of everything, we believe we can do everything, but there is nothing wrong with recognizing that we need help .

Parental burnout of parents is a reality, and it is no joke. The state of extreme exhaustion can become a downward spiral that leads to depression.

If you see that you are overwhelmed, that you can not do everything, talk to your surroundings to find a solution, and let yourself be helped . Something that Marlo in the film at first does not accept willingly, but ends up being a safe conduct to recover his identity.

4) Dedicate time for yourself

You will say to me, "with everything I have to do, I do not have a minute left". It is a matter of organizing, and as we said above, asking for help and letting ourselves be helped. And of course, that your partner is involved in the care of the baby. Your partner can take care of the baby while you take a relaxing bath, while you go for a walk, a run or a bike ride ... whatever you feel like.

Although it may seem like a contradiction, having time for yourself will help you to be a better mother because even if it is only a few minutes, that time will help you to find yourself again and if you are well, your children will be too .

Modifying the scenario and doing another activity to take care of your baby completely changes the landscape. Even if it is not more than fifteen or twenty minutes a day, recover what you liked doing so much, change the focus of care and invest it in yourself.

5) Do not isolate yourself

It is easy to fall into isolation when we have young children to care for. The routine is taking us until we realize that we have not talked to an adult person throughout the day.

This is taking its toll on our self-esteem, feeling more and more alone. We do not want to see anyone, we stop taking care of ourselves because we will not leave the house all day, we stop visiting friends and making plans because they all become a disorder.

Leave home, run away from isolation, and above all, do not leave out your friends for having become a mother . If you no longer feel affinity with them because you live different realities, look for new friendships in other environments. Talk and relate to other people.

We've said it many times. Motherhood is a brutally transforming experience, beautiful but difficult, exciting, but also with very hard stages. That is why, after watching the film, reorganize your priorities, change the focus and live your postpartum (and your motherhood in general) with a realistic and positive attitude.

A great work of the South African actress Charlize Theron who has acknowledged that she could not have made the film before becoming a mother, because only who has gone through it can know. Have you seen it? Did you like it? For those who do not, I recommend it. And only one thing: the end will surprise you .

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