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Share "After the birth you forget all the bad" (or not)

Eva Paris @paris_eva

Journal pregnancies are rare. Sometimes the pregnancy is not as beautiful as you thought and although you get tired of hearing that "after the birth of forget all the bad", it may be that this does not happen.

Yes, the most usual thing is to forget all the bad things, the problems during pregnancy, a traumatic birth


and for that reason, returning to another topic, "the majority of women repeat" (with more or less fear, I would add). But it may be that no, what happened during pregnancy or delivery will mark you forever and really say "here it is over".

There are women who have real fear of becoming pregnant again or going through another birth, even if they are happy with their baby. We are not talking now about extreme cases of postpartum depression, tocophobia or irrational fear of pregnancy and childbirth.

We talked about women who overcame everything bad, who are well with their son, but who do not want to go through an experience that left them marked, for which they suffered. Many times it is that well-being finally achieved and that fear of being wrong again, now with a new member in the family, which throws them back.

We have a baby or a small child, helpless, to take care of (or more than one), and return to suffer what we experienced before we could not attend to it properly. It is a fear more or less usual in mothers who will repeat experience, but raised to the maximum power.

It may have been due to hyperemesis or excessive vomiting, to have a risky pregnancy, to have suffered a traumatic, very long and painful delivery


And although the second time does not have to happen the same, the simple fact that this possibility exists scares the woman.

And then "the pigtail is cut", they decide not to have more children, and the environment may not understand this option (especially if they had made more children plans) but with the support of the couple the family goes ahead, serenely, understanding and assuming what happened.

Of course, we can not avoid the unpleasant comments that do not understand how we have not forgotten the bad, because it is generally assumed that women can do everything, when there is no paternalistic and derogatory vision that "complains of vice", something that probably already heard while he had the problems that marked him.

When bad memories become a problem

Normally, nothing happens if the bad is not forgotten and the woman has no more children. The problem could come when everything that affected the woman continues to affect her in her daily life, when she can not do normal life, when there is a problem that marks her day to day.

Postpartum depression or post-traumatic stress disorder due to childbirth are problems that need psychological attention. Not solving what happened and the feelings related to the traumatic events can become a serious problem that would create great tension in personal relationships and in the family nucleus.

Then, together with the support and understanding of the family and the environment, the woman needs psychological help, because even the relationship with the new member of the family is in danger. Associations like Listening with the heart serve as emotional support for these women, not to help them forget all the bad things, but to help them overcome them as much as possible.

These women need to be understood and treated, because not forgetting everything bad affects them immensely, and also their children. Only when they themselves accept, understand and overcome what happened will they be able to return to normal, even when they do not want to have more children.

In short, if after the birth you have not forgotten all the bad, you have to reflect on your current situation, or it must be the environment that is interested in the situation of women. You may be well in the present and looking to the future, even when it does not include one more member in the family. Or is it that at some point we signed the number of children we were going to have?

Photo | shanon wise on Flickr-CCEn Babies and more | Baby blues or mild postpartum depression, postpartum depression: what is it and how to recognize it, having children gives happiness?