Recommend, 2018

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Share Parents overly involved


A few days ago I saw how a friend punished her eight-year-old son severely for not wanting to go to the English academy. The boy refused and claimed that the classes were boring and that he did not like English. His mother gave him a "sermon" about the importance of studying English for the future, to develop into a profession


bla bla bla. I agree with the importance and ease of learning languages ​​in early childhood. But in the case of my friend, it is more a goal for her than for the little one.

My friend has a characteristic of what is known as "hyperparenting", parents excessively committed to their children or popularly known as controllers.

They are parents obsessed with the achievements of their children, exercise a suffocating pressure on these in relation to success in school, to excel in sports, music etc. They decide what activities their children should do and some even to study. They control the daily aspects, how much to eat, what to play, what to do after school.

For them children must be the smartest, are enrolled in a myriad of activities, play is "wasting time", ignoring that through it children develop their imagination and learn about the world. It is beneficial for children to have a complementary activity after school, especially if the parents work. But, many children are part of a sports team, they have music and art lessons, extra tutorial etc. Although each of these activities has a value, its meaning is lost when there is an excess.

The control of these dads causes the children to develop a sense of distrust in themselves by not giving them the opportunity to make decisions and solve their own problems. They feel as if their parents did not trust them. They are excessively dependent and obedient or rebellious and reject what parents are trying to teach them.

How to know if you are demanding a lot of children? The first step to take is to reflect on the excessive involvement with the children; If the expectations with the children are unrealistic and give priority to other activities that can be done without being the academic ones.

The relationship with the children should be relaxed and not demanding. The meaning of activities is enjoyment, rather than reaching a specific goal. And the most important is that children feel loved for what they are and not for their achievements. The love does not depend on the success that they get in the studies or in the complementary activities, the love of the parents is unconditional.

In Babies and more | Stressed children | Excess of extracurricular activities in children promotes child stress | What kind of parents are we?